The Death and Times of Duo Maxwell
by Loa
Summary: hehe death is fun, particularly Duo's R&R please


Heero sat reading a magazine on the couch "hmm why do all these girls wear so much make up? They look gross."  
"Oh I don't know I think they look okay don't you Duo?" Relena said from the bathroom.  
"Yeah it sure makes me look pretty don't you think hee-chan?" Duo walked out of the bathroom with dark blue eye shadow, bright red lipstick, a load full of blush and concealer caked all over his face. Heero looked at duo, "hmm you need to pluck your brows."  
"oh right!" duo ran back into the bathroom where Relena got right down to business. Small screams and shrieks could be heard from the bathroom. Once Relena completed her job duo came back out into the living room with a large Kleenex sticking to his bleeding head. "Okay Heero now what do you think?" duo stood there for a couple of seconds and then he realized Heero had left. "hmm I guess he had to go. Hey Wufei! Look am I pretty now?" duo ran off into the den where Wufei was sitting and meditating. He opened his eyes and shrieked like a girl before huddling in a corner. "what? Don't you like it?"   
"You beast get away from me!"  
"Hey come on I didn't do that bad of a job!" Relena entered the room.  
"Yeah, maybe for a worm"  
"Kissama"  
"onna"  
"duh! As if you hadn't figured that out yet!"  
"you are?" duo asked in amazement  
"Arghhhh!!!" Relena stomped away down the hall.  
The doorbell rang and as always the messed up doorbell chimed its unheavenly tune. "uh? Hello!?!?!?" Hilde yelled from behind a bright purple door.  
"hold on Hilde I'll be there in a sec." Duo yelled. Hilde stood waiting outside the door opened and out walked Relena in a bad mood. Duo arrived a couple seconds later as Relena got into her now beat up pink catalac (her chauffeur had quit after filing a lawsuit for abuse. From then on Relena was left to do her own work).  
"hmm pms" hilde said as she walked in the door. Not realizing duo's face she went into the kitchen and set down the mail.  
"so Hilde what do ya think?" duo walked slowly into the kitchen  
"what do I think about wha- ahhhhh!" hilde turned around and dropped her mail.  
"I new you'd like it!"   
"what happened to your face?"  
"well Relena put my makeup on"  
"it'll wash off wont it?"  
"uh yeah I think so why?"  
"your the ugliest thing I've ever seen" duo started pushing his fingers together  
"that hurt my feelings hilde"  
"im surprised that make up didn't hurt your pride"  
"what pride"  
"oh…hehe. Now come here im washing that off your face right now!" hilde walked out the into the living room expecting duo to follow. He stayed back standing still she turned around grabbed his braid and yanked him through the door. Once they made it to the bathroom duo stood with his rear end sticking out and his face smashed under the sink while Hilde stood scrubbing his face with steel wool and a bottle of rubbing alcohol in her other hand. "what did she do tattoo this to your face?" she scrubbed harder and harder. Pretty soon duo was bleeding and the red spot on his face wasn't getting any smaller.   
"Hilde-oww! That hurts! Stop it"  
"hmm this isn't working hold on stay there I need to use the phone. Wash the blood off your face." Hilde walked into the hallway and dialed on the phone while duo gently dripped drops of water on his face.  
"Hello Dr. J duo got into Relena's make up and I cant get it off."  
"have you tried rubbing alcohol?"  
"yeah it didn't work. It's like its been welded into his pores."  
"a laser might work."  
"yes a laser! Why didn't I think of that?" duo's head popped up with alarm. A large tear ran down his face and he slowly creeped out of the bathroom and into the living room. He pushed on his shoes and ran out the door as fast as possible, bumping into Trowa on the way. Trowa stopped duo and looked at his face. "what happened to you?"  
"Hilde! I think she's gone nuts"  
"what did she do?"  
"she took steel wool and rubbing alcohol and scratched the shit outta my face!"  
"Hmm I better call the police they'll be able to handle this"  
"yeah call them! You're my hero Trowa!"  
"speaking of Hero where is he?"  
"To tell you the truth im not sure."  
"o okay well don't worry I'll call the police right now." Trowa pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911.  
"Hello? Yes I am Trowa Barton I'd like to report a molestation"  
"Trowa I wasn't molested! She just messed up my face." Trowa put his hand over the phone. "believe me they'll buy this more than your stupid case."  
"um..okay well im gonna go now"  
"okay I'll call you when they come to take her away."  
"okay…uh where did you get that phone? Did you buy it?"  
"Of course not, with how much I pay for that damned Gundam how could I possibly afford a phone?"  
"you mean you stole that?"  
"five finger discount. Quatre got me on Ebay I'm getting everything for the price of zippo"  
"neat! Where is quatre?"  
"He's with the mafia right now he'll be back at about 11 tonight"  
"okay well I think im gonna go cry in a corner now bye Trowa"  
"bye obiwon" duo walked away and looked back as he realized what Trowa said, "obiwon?" Trowa had already gone inside the house. Duo walked away and down the street. In the background at the Barton(trowa's not them other barton's) residence loud explosions could be seen and heard. A gun shot fired and a couple muffeled screams where let out. Duo walked down not noticing. He turned to see a pretty dress in a shop window and fell on his butt after slipping on a piece of dog crap. "shit my $12 shoes" off by the side of the street was a little girl with her dog and a small flower. She walked over and began talking to duo repeating what her older sister had said to heero. Duo looked at the puppy angrily then looked as the puppies placid eyes stared innocently up at him. "nice dog"  
"yes he's very nice he likes peo-" duo smacked the little girl in the forehead knocking her over and grabbed the dog holding it under his arm like a football and ran away.   
"you kissama! The girl yelled at duo. You get your ass over her and return my dog!" duo kept running and completely ignored the girl. She reached into her little ruffled white sock pulled out a miniature pink gun and shot it. The first two missed and the third hit straight on right into duo spinal cord. The girl ran over to duo where he lay in a seizure, he was paralyzed, the small dog stood next to duo's head tearing at the skin of duo's neck. It ripped through his flesh and finally into his throat where duo in turn died. Heero walked down the street carrying an ice cream cone. He smiled as he walked then he saw duo laying on the ground. He walked by duo barely glancing at his now life less body.  
"haha! Duo your dead"  
"aren't you said mister?"  
"should I be?" heero walked on and finished his ice cream.  



End file.
